Wednesday, September 12, 2012

THE STORM by Fintan



It was a humid summer day, the wind was asleep, the sea was calm, a small picnic was going on while Andy took a midday walk.


The food was being distributed evenly between the family at the picnic. Food was plentiful, everyone was full and joyous. Then the storm came.


Andy unaware of the oncoming storm decided to quicken his pace to a jog throwing off his shoes kicking the sand in front of him feeling the grainy, softness between his toes enjoying the sensation.


Meanwhile a twisted tornado of death, full of sand rock and shell was hurling towards the family. The picnic was abandoned and everyone hid behind rocks and anything they could find, cowering with fear at the oncoming sand storm.


Andy, still oblivious to the commotion quickened his jog up to a sprint digging his feet in the sand, feeling like a caged animal that had been freed, an unusual break from the hard office floors his felt 6 days a week all year.


The tornado was right on top of the family. Some of the exposed members eyes were stunned to a point where they were numb. A giant soft flabby thing squashed their feast and smashed into a rock.


Andy was running at his full speed when he planted his foot in a squishy piece of cake someone had left on the beach, and stubbed his poor toe on a clump of rocks. He swears that he saw some ants looking up at him curiously that day.

16 comments:

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  4. Great Work Fintan it captured my intention.

    Finn-C & Tori-B

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  6. nice paragraphing Fintan.

    Charmaine, Stevin

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  8. I adore your twist ending Fintan.
    -Adam Kaleb

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  9. Very good use of punctuation and fabulous paragraphs.


    From Sophia and Sinead.

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  10. Nice work Fintan. I love it. And amazing
    punctuation.

    -Mckenzie and Kanoa.

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  11. the funny twist at the end is fantastic.

    Coco,Amelia

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  12. Awesome work Fintan wow it had really good punctuation.



    -Loche and Leah

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  13. Awesome job Fintan, you used great vocabulary, paragraphs, and sentences.

    -William

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  14. Your language was very rich and the description was great Noah

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  15. Your story was filled with great astounding language and it was incredibly descriptive good job Fintan -Evan

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